The Art of Purpose: Laura Carney's Story of Love, Loss, and Resilience (My Father's List)

Welcome to the Paul Neustrom podcast, "Skyrocket to Success!" In this episode, we are thrilled to have Laura Carney as our guest. Join us as Laura shares her journey of self-discovery and personal growth through her writing process and completing her father's bucket list. We delve into her experiences as an bestselling author,  her life as an endurance entrepreneur, and advocate for individuality and agency in life. From facing traumatic experiences to finding closure and fulfillment, Laura's story is both relatable and inspiring. Listen in as we explore her insights on empowering women, intentional living, and breaking free from societal expectations. We also discuss her upcoming projects, including a transition to visual arts and her interactive community challenge. So sit back, relax, and soak in the wisdom and inspiration from Laura Carney in this engaging and introspective episode.

00:00 Stacy Lauren interviewed me and suggested a :Bucket List" book challenge.

04:27 Writing helped me work through grief and grow.

09:20 Book helps me express myself and inspire others.

12:38 Success: helping others, enjoying life, overcoming challenges, love.

17:05 Excited about learning new skills, finding purpose.

18:03 Finding purpose in work, family, and travel.

23:47 Approaching memoir as a character in narrative.

25:37 Writing and sharing grief for closure and control.

30:30 Connecting past to future through authentic voice.

33:14 Realizing dissatisfaction with societal expectations and conformity.

37:05 Sense of empowerment, drive, and validation.

40:28 Challenging assumptions, role modeling, and leadership.

43:39 Feedback shapes experiences amid gender and hierarchy.

47:27 Podcast interview with best-selling author Laura Carney.

Transcript

Paul T Neustrom: 0:00

All right. I know you've done a lot of podcasts and I wanted to do something different. You had. You had mentioned that it seemed it was always reliving the past and, as far as, the whole thing about your bucket list and completing it for your dad. So I wanted to maybe touch on that a little bit, but really talk about. What your dreams and visions are for the future. And, you have such a strong background in writing and I just thought it would be really fascinating for our podcast listeners for skyrocket to success is to understand, what you view as successful and, you about your journey. Yes but more of. What your hopes and dreams are for the future. And so it's what's your bucket list? What are the things that you want to do? I've actually started right into this interview. I didn't give you any introduction. This is Laura Carney.

Laura Carney: 1:07

Yeah. Who is she?

Paul T Neustrom: 1:10

Best selling author. And you travel a lot, you speak, you do a lot of fascinating things. I was just really captured by. Just the way that you present yourself, like in the challenge with Stacy, Lauren, and do the thing. And so I just want to welcome you to the podcast and also just want to pick your brain a little bit today.

Laura Carney: 1:32

Yeah, boy, I'm, this is going to be an exciting conversation given you asked me the first question before the intro. I don't know. We're on video, right? So this is my book for here. For your audience. It's called my father's list. How living my dad's dream set me free. And yeah, I think what Paul might be talking about is so I did a community challenge with our mutual friend, Stacy Lauren back in January. And she does this great thing on Facebook called do the thing. I highly recommend it for anyone who's interested in signing up. I think Paul, you've done it a couple of times, right? Yeah. I've been heavily

Paul T Neustrom: 2:10

involved with her and just a lot of challenges.

Laura Carney: 2:14

That's how we met. And Stacy had interviewed me shortly after, or actually a couple months before my book was coming out. And she said, it would be great. Maybe I could do one of my challenges. Revolving it around your book and you could help me host it. And I was very nervous to do that Because I wasn't really sure like I had done Bookstore talks. I mean in fact before I got on with you today Paul I had a podcaster yesterday asked me for a list of my bookstores So I just sent it to her and I realized I've been to 23 Bookstores now and I have 11 more coming up this year. And, I'm used to doing that or I'll do a podcast or sometimes I'll even teach a class. Like I've had book clubs and zoom classes that I've done. But I had never done something that was an interactive thing that like it went on for a whole month and we all piped in and, did a post every day and talked about what we were working on with our bucket list. I got so comfortable talking to everybody in that group. And it was such an amazing thing to see how my work and my words were affecting people in real time that I actually started being very vulnerable myself, and I started sharing posts about my current challenges, which were I had finished this bucket list for my dad. He died because of a distracted driver. 20 years ago when I was 25 years old, we found his bucket list 13 years after he died and it was right after I had gotten married and I just got started on it, I felt immediately like I needed to do this to honor him that it might be a great way to raise awareness. about the way that he died and help people with that. And, those really were my only two reasons. And along the way, I gradually realized that I also was doing it for me. That I had this grief left over that I didn't really know how to deal with. And writing the book, I would say, maybe was 75%. Of how I worked through that, the list itself helped too, because there was just something about being out there and doing these crazy challenges like jumping out of an airplane or surfing, or, I'd never surfed before learning how to sail even playing golf. That was a challenge to help me to bond with my stepdad in a new way that I never had before. Um, every single one of them was teaching me something about myself that I didn't know, like that I was actually able to do these things for the most part, but I don't think it was until I sat down to actually write the story and integrate these more difficult parts of my life into it. With the happier parts of my life that as I turned it into this framework for a larger story of a life, suddenly I was able to accept that my dad had died that way and I stopped looking at it as this, I remember right before I got married, I told my mom, the wedding is going to be a compromise no matter what, which is a horrible way to look at your wedding. But that was how I was looking at it. Cause I was a person with looking at the world through these eyes of something terrible has happened and nothing can ever make up for it. Because I was able to turn this into a story, I now really no longer approach life that way. And I was able to accept that something very painful had happened. And yet it probably was part of the larger scheme of things. Now I'm in a place where. I'm saying goodbye to that journey. I'm saying goodbye to writing the book, all of that process. And I'm trying to figure out what's next. And, I never really set out to be a book author, but I am, I always just wanted to be a visual artist and a writer and just an artist regardless. So I'm navigating what that looks like. And. You know a couple weeks ago i guess is about a month ago now i was definitely experiencing a lot of grief over everything sort of being over and being in transition and moving to the next phase and what helped me with that ironically was my own bucket list and taking it and really just organizing it and how i want to do it. And I guess that's really cool because I don't think I ever would have felt permission to just go after things that I want to do if I hadn't done my dad's list first.

Paul T Neustrom: 6:35

It was interesting because I was researching a little bit about your background and seeing all your jobs that you have currently you're a writer for, I don't know, like a dozen different entities. And but I was, I was grasping for the name of your book and I was thinking, Is it not my father's list? And I was thinking, Oh, that's maybe the next title for a book is,

Laura Carney: 7:02

Oh, like not my not your father's Oldsmobile,

Paul T Neustrom: 7:06

not my father's list.

Laura Carney: 7:09

Oh, it might be my list.

Paul T Neustrom: 7:12

Yeah, there you go. Yeah, definitely. Interested to see, have a lot of the people that have responded. To, your book and about your travels, doing all these kind of bucket lists of the challenges. Has it been people in the grieving like in stages or who has really resonated with that message?

Laura Carney: 7:33

It's been a real real mix of people. I would say most of the people who really are excited to come up to me and have me sign their book are someone who has a story about grief. And it's really a blessing to me that I get to make them feel like they have permission to be where they are and how they're feeling and, I feel like when they're talking to me, it's like they're finding a person they can talk to about it. And because I just sat there for 30 minutes to an hour being extremely vulnerable, and telling the truth about how I felt about this relationship and this book, I think it opens them up. to being similarly vulnerable. And I've had people tell me things and say, Oh, I can't believe I just told you that. I'd never tell anybody. And it's just, I think it's an energy that is very welcoming to it, that's fine. Cause I'm that way anyway, even without this book, that's who I am. So I think in that regard, it's helping me to have this very true expression of my inner self. Because I do genuinely want to help people in a very deep way and probably anything I do for the rest of my life is going to be like that. But, as far as who else is inspired I think sometimes it's really young people who maybe haven't experienced a major death yet, but are trying to get started in the world. And are, I've had some of them come up to me and say, I'm so happy. You talked about your depression in the book because I just left the hospital and I was feeling really bad about it. And now I don't feel that way because look at you like you're so successful. And you had that experience too. And I'm very relieved whenever I hear that because it's like I knew I needed to include that The more difficult elements of my adolescence in the book for that reason. And sometimes it's people who are just, regardless of their age, they're stuck in a rut in their life and they know that there's more. But they just they can't quite grasp how to get there. And I think there's something about the way I pushed myself and went out on a limb and took a lot of risks to do something I believed in, regardless of what the thing is. Something about doing that is really inspiring for people.

Paul T Neustrom: 9:53

That's awesome. Just the hope it provides and, I can sense that the way that they identify with you and that you've had that common struggle. And a lot of what I talk about, on my podcast here is people that have gone through a struggle And they learn some things to come out on the other side and to be successful or to have a life that they've truly desired. So what would you term in your own life as being successful?

Laura Carney: 10:23

Yeah, you asked me that before. I've been avoiding it. All right. It's so complicated. It's simple and complicated at the same time. I, I think a person who is established enough in their career that they have, enough everyday comfort in their lives where they're not worrying about paying bills and they're not worrying about, the little things that really nag at you financially. And therefore they every day they can really just pursue what they love that they're passionate about. I think that's one definition of success. For me, it's like as far as finances go, it's like I just need to be making enough and then I'm happy and I'll, I'll take 11 jobs if I have to, if I have to do, right now, all those jobs are copy editing. I do write for some places, but yeah. It's, I'm very grateful that I learned how to copy edit because it's just such a helpful skill because everybody, people need things edited all the time. But I think a grander definition of success would be for, for me personally, I want to leave the planet feeling like I two things, I guess I helped. I helped people to find their direction in life just because it seems to be something that I'm good at doing and that I enjoy doing and help make them feel seen. And whether that's through art or through anything else, I would prefer it to be art just because that's my medium. So I guess that would be the one. The second part of it would be, did I have a good time? I think successful people are happy people and they relish every moment that they're alive and they really do enjoy themselves and they share that joy with others. Was I able to overcome situations where things were not so great? I don't always do well with that. I tend to need a lot of support if something is going badly and I like to feel like I'm getting better the older I get at overcoming disappointments and finally was I good at loving people? I think that's the highest definition of success for me because Being able to unconditionally love other people is it seems like it should be easy but it's not always easy and people can be judgmental and they can be disappointed and they can Expect things from people that other people aren't maybe quite able to give them and I really you know as I'm, not a devout religious person, but I am a christian and I think that I want to model my life After what Jesus taught, which is that we're supposed to love one another unconditionally.

Paul T Neustrom: 13:11

It's beautiful. So I should write that down. It's recorded. Okay. And I like to go through the transcript and, I've found that you can really purpose a lot of content for books from podcasts and things seem to flow as far as the copy so much better. But I see you have a couple of bicycles behind you and I'm curious to know some of the things that you really enjoy doing and that just light you up and the things that you're excited about.

Laura Carney: 13:44

What lights me up, I'm an endurance athlete, I think. Above anything else. I think my second book is going to be"A Woman Got There First" it's that's my working title right now. And it's about humans who did something first, but they just happened to be women because I've come across so many amazing stories about just incredible women that were buried to history because I guess some man somewhere decided no offense, but they decided it wasn't important enough to include. And the thing I realized yesterday. Was that each of those women were actually endurance athletes, because if you're someone who's going to do something first, you have to work really hard for a long time before you become the person, like Edison didn't invite the invent the light bulb in one day. There were lots of errors along the way. So I think probably my first love is anything. That's going to take a lot of effort and take a really long time and I'll just gradually get better and better as I reach it. And that seems to be the case no matter what I'm doing whether it's running or the bikes are for the triathlons. I've done I think seven triathlons. Now that's the thing I took up during the pandemic just because I realized I had more free time. And yeah, I think that the endurance thing probably covers it like anything I ever do, whether it's writing a book or writing an essay or writing a TV recap or, if it were a mural I was doing or, any kind of work of art of illustration, it's probably going to take hours for me to do or days or weeks or months. And that's going to be part of why it's fulfilling to me. We're talking about adapting my book now in a more theatrical way. And that's all I'm going to say about that. And that's exciting to me to this, the concept of learning a new skill, learning how to do that. And it could take years to do that, but I'm in, I'm a little intimidated, but I'm in and yeah, I think having something like that going on in my life where I'm, I'm steadily at, chipping away at something. It has like an organizing principle for me, for everything else that I'm doing. And I think that's probably the main reason why over the past winter, when suddenly the book tour was over and I hadn't quite gotten started on the next book, and I was still just like working my copy editing jobs, but I didn't quite know where I was or what I was doing or. How do I even define if this first thing was a success, which my husband said, you're nuts. Of course it was your own CBS Sunday morning. What are you talking about? But I wanted like a concrete definition that could make me feel like, okay, now I can move on, this is over and I can move forward. And I wasn't finding that. And like I said, I also did not have a study project to do. So it made me feel a little bit lost. So I think as long as I have a thing, that's an impossible dream that I'm working on, then everything else falls into place. And, of course the standard things that make people happy and light them up, like family and friends and being with my husband and I enjoy a good dinner and I love to travel and I love adventure. One of the things I really love is when it just. I stumble upon a weekend or a day where I'm by myself and I'm in a new place or even in my town. It doesn't because your town can be new. There's parts of your town you've never seen before, and I can just wander and there's nobody needing anything from me. There's nobody saying Hey, what are you doing? Because I think I'm just a wanderer by nature and I'm at my happiest when I can just explore. You know, it seems like you're a wanderer, but you like to have purpose and you like to be involved in something that's challenging to the point where it really involves you. And it seems like more of, the actual day to day, being in the trenches, it's what really fulfills you rather than arriving at the destination. Am I wrong? Yeah. That's no, that's a good way of looking at and I think probably when I say that I enjoy these very long projects. That's probably an extension of an afternoon of wandering. It's just structured wandering for a longer period of time.

Paul T Neustrom: 18:01

So you're not only an endurance athlete, but you're an endurance

Laura Carney: 18:05

entrepreneur. Yeah, I might be. To me, like one thing doing my dad's list really helped me with was it helped me to understand that To be a person who has worked several different places and even to be a person who's working several different places simultaneously. That's a comfort zone for me. I'm okay with that. Whereas before that time, I never would have really approached it that way. In fact, I would have viewed that as being unsuccessful because I thought A successful person has just one job,

Paul T Neustrom: 18:36

different people have different mindsets about that. Before you were talking about just the therapy and writing and being able to deal with some of the hard things. And I found that. When I was writing my memoir, I was actually in a monastery and it was very quiet and I had time and I was actually dealing with my own father's death. In fact, I had such a hard time with it. That's one of the reasons why it led me to be in the monastery. And I also felt very connected to him while I was there because it's like a prayerful, quiet place. But yet at the same point, I was really searching purpose and more meaning. And I had this inspiration to write a book on filled to overflowing, and I just felt like it was really empty. And writing about these stories just really helped me to think, that there's something more than what I'm experiencing now. But I'm curious to know, Laura, about, just the action of writing and putting, pen to paper. And if you write with a pen or if you type or, talk, because I help people to write bestselling books. That's what I do. And,, to me, just the power of the spoken word, on paper is just so

Laura Carney: 19:55

profound. So my process, I guess, I think when I started out and I was starting to I really started as a blog. I was doing these list items and I've had, I had what I like to call beginner's luck, meaning the first couple of list items that, there was some difficulty to them. I had to train for a marathon, which I split with my friends for the run 10 miles straight list item, and then we did it in L. A. One of the list items was visit L. A. One of them was get my picture to national magazine. Luckily I already worked for good housekeeping and they liked the story and they made it a three page spread. Right out the gate by the third month, I have all these list items just happening, so I was able to write about it and that's how I was approaching it. I was on Facebook, I was on Instagram. I would share. Every time I did a blog post, but, a friend of mine told me that he felt the blog posts were a rough draft for my book, and that by the time I was ready to turn the experience into a book, which I always wanted to do, that was always part of it from the beginning they would be a little different. The posts would be slightly They would be more geared to telling a larger story. And I honestly struggled with that a lot because my only experience as a journalist with a creative essay and writing about personal things involved, entertaining my reader. So there's a lot of stuff in those blog posts about California, and about, Famous runners and, I'm approaching it like a journalist or like a TV recap or giving you all kinds of trivia just to Oh, I didn't know about that before, because that's what I thought readers wanted. And it really wasn't until much later that I understood. No the reader who picks up my book, what they want is the nuts and bolts of this relationship that I had with my father and not just that, but my own personal growth. And that felt really weird to me to turn myself into a character. But at the same time, as I was learning about memoir. And how memoirs work. I was beginning to understand that the only way this story was going to land was if I turned it into a narrative and really essentially did make myself a character because the best memoirs read like novels. And And I, that's the other funny thing about it. I couldn't give up on it because the third item on my dad's list, I'd write and have a few novels published. And and now that I'm saying this to you, I realized, yeah, I wrote a memoir, but it is more like a novel because it's like an epic hero's adventure in the way that I described it. And of course, that's not. That's not totally real life. Like I'm not a hero, I am just a person and the people in my life are just as important as I am in it. But in this particular narrative, it really did need to be me and it needed to be my journey. And I think the reason that works is because if a person picks up the book, they need to feel like they're the person who's doing the list. They need to feel like they're the person who has these memories of their father and they're the person who's getting this like spiritual communication from the father. And I think that's probably why when I have grieving readers contact me, they're so grateful that they read this because it gave them a feeling of closure. And it gave them a feeling of I imagine it would be agency because when somebody dies and it's in a surprising or even traumatic way, like with my dad's case, I think one of the things that happens is you feel very out of control. And they might not have their father's bucket list, but they got to experience what it was like to do one through me. So I think it did have to be like that, but it definitely was not easy for me to write it that way. And it felt a little weird at times as far as like the practical elements of my writing process, the way it would generally work. And I don't advise this to everyone because I know, it really comes down to the person with what you're comfortable with. I have a friend who's doing a book right now that's a grief memoir, but he is temporarily not working and he is going to a bunch of writer's retreats and that's, what's helping him. In my case I needed to keep working because there was just something about having the structure of going into an office for two or three days a week, that it would break me free of sitting on my couch or in a cafe and writing for three days, because it was, it could get heavy sometimes, like the emotions of it, because I was forcing myself to really relive certain things that. Any sane person would not do like you, you would not want to go back and be at your dad's funeral for any reason, but I had to do it for this book. So I think having this respite of Oh, on Friday, I'm going to get to go and be with my friends at work. Was nice. It was helpful to me. I did often find that if I had been working in an office for a week or so, or two weeks, which was sometimes the case it would take a while for me to get into the writing mind. And that, that could get frustrating because I wanted to just come home and the next day I'd be on the couch again. Have you know, working through my ideas, because sometimes when I would, it would be the reverse to I'd be at my job and be like, Oh, I'm getting so many great ideas. I can't wait to go home and get this down. But once I was home, I was still in like job brain. Like I wasn't in writer brain and I had to. Wait, like I just had to be patient for that to happen, and that could take a day. It could take three days. I used to call it like getting in the zone, and I just wasn't there. And, after a while, I started to learn just to be patient and that there's little things you can do that will get you there. I just think it's a matter of ritual. I had certain rituals I would do, I would wake up at the same time, just about every day. I would make sure I made the bed. That was a big part of it. And that was funny to me because I was never a bed maker before. Like I used to be so busy with work that I would just jump out and get dressed and go, but now it was like, I was home. So this had to be a sanctuary. And then I would go get my coffee. I'd come back. I would have to do the dishes. That's another part of it. And then I could sit down, eat my breakfast, drink my coffee. I had all of these, I don't know if you can see this. I have all these little stones. that I started to collect different gemstones that mean different things. This is the first one I got. It's called Green Aventurine, and it's the Stone of New Opportunities. And this is another one I got soon after called Lapis Lazuli, and this is supposed to open up the throat chakra. So I would take my, I had a sage or sweetgrass and I would smoke each of the stones and I would say like a different thing for each stone, but it was usually some variation of I feel the truth. I love the truth. I know the truth. I am the truth. I find joy in the truth. Like it was every time I got a new stone, I added a new one. And they all sat on this little card that said, trust. And I think what that was doing for me was it was like loosening up my attachment to the realm I was used to living in and giving me the courage to explore a different world. And making me feel like I was ready to enter. I imagine the monastery probably felt that way to you like you're in a whole new world now, because when you're writing a book, I think one thing people don't always understand is you are somewhere else. You're not, you might look like you're in your body, and you're sitting right there, but you're actually, Somewhere else entirely and I think that's actually part of the joy that writers get out of it. Don't you? I

Paul T Neustrom: 27:50

do and it's interesting because several thoughts came to mind about when I was writing my memoir and i've written now four submissions for books a lot of them are co authors and anthologies, but it seems like the connection that you develop Between what's in your heart? And what you want to express as your true voice. It's almost like that connection is connecting the past to the future. And it's like opening up new realms. It's I just did a submission for a book called author's playbook. And what I did is I described about how to arrive to your authentic voice. And I use the acronym of VOICE, V O I C E, as your vision that generates originality, inspiration, creativity that you embody. And so with that, it seems you're able to take your experiences, your past and everything else, but you have this hope for something different in the future. And I think a lot of the readers and listeners, that are at your book signings, or when you're on stage, really connect with the hope. That you're instilling because it usually involves change of some kind or another. But the thing that I was so apprehensive about was being so vulnerable. And I sat on my book for two years because I was just so afraid to put it all out there. And I was thinking, what will people think? And what are my kids going to think? And cause it was just raw. And, but that's, What really connected people. And, the people that responded is Oh, Paul, I just loved your stuff and your book changed my life and all this. And it's an interesting kind of dichotomy, of balancing, all the stuff that is in the past and the things that are in the future. So I thought it'd just be a fascinating journey to, to dive into your world and see.

Laura Carney: 29:53

Yeah. No I understand what you, I totally get what you mean by that. And I think, mine had an additional element to it of because the thing is I wasn't, it wasn't even necessarily that I was in a position where I needed my life to be better. I thought my life was fine. Of course I had the bugaboos that has with everyday living, but I really wasn't consciously aware. that I needed something to change. I just was feeling it. I just didn't know it. And then as I was writing this book, that became evident to me that I wasn't very satisfied with the way I'd been living, but it just wasn't. And I think that's an interesting part of it because I, now I find myself wondering all the time, how many people are walking around that way and they're dissatisfied, but they just can't put their finger on it. Like, why am I dissatisfied, and I think part of it is because so often, maybe even more so if you're not really tapped into your creativity you think that the structures of your life are supposed to be fulfilling you because that's what everyone has taught you, the whole time. And you think everybody else is okay, but I'm not, what's wrong with me? And immediately it becomes what's wrong with me. As opposed to I'm not satisfied, maybe I should find something else to do that is different from what everyone's telling me to do. Instead it becomes what's wrong with me because I think most of the time we tend to prioritize fitting in and just having the same things that satisfies everybody else also satisfy us because nobody really wants to, I think at least most people anyway, don't want to stand out and be different. They just want to fit in and have that tribal acceptance. Is shocking when you realize, Oh, I need something different to be okay. Like I need to approach things my own way and go after things that make me uniquely happy. That's a new thing. And then for me in particular, I think, My biggest struggle wasn't so much although this was part of it, like you said, how are things going to change if I write this? What will my future look like? Am I destroying my future potentially when people see how raw and vulnerable this is? That was definitely part of it. But the biggest thing I think was, oh, oh, can I have a say in how my life goes, like this whole time. I didn't think I had a voice in that. I thought things just happened to you and you cope with them and then you just accept it and you take whatever comes and you do the best you can and life is a survival kind of thing. So to be creating a world in a book really starts to give you, I think, this sense of yeah, I guess that's the best word I can come up with what I said before, a sense of agency, a sense like the creativity starts to generate a person who is a free thinker and a person who can be proactive and what they do in their lives. And especially the theme of my book lends itself to that too, because I'm recognizing, even though I used to think my dad was this whimsical dreamer to have this list of goals. Now that I'm actually doing them, I'm seeing that a list of goals is doable. It's not impossible. And it probably. Regardless of how many he finished of his original 60, probably just having that list made him a happier person. And having my list makes me a happier person. I have 267 on my list now. I've done 50 of them. The fact that I've done 50 of them makes me happy, and the fact that I have more adventures to come. And I think now I just, I live in a way where If it's necessary, I let my voice be heard in my everyday life, in my everyday situations. And that's not something I did before. It's just not something I felt that I had permission to do. And I think doing it in a creative sense just opened me up to doing that. In a real way too, and that's the thing i'm still navigating honestly because you know You live as a people pleaser for so long It's very difficult to shed that skin and leave it behind you.

Paul T Neustrom: 34:00

Yeah, I really sense a lot. That your future and maybe i'm speaking a little bit Into the vision that I see for you Is I laugh because I was involved in sales training for car dealerships You And we would teach the salespeople that the number one reason why people want to buy a new car or a new, newer car is they're bored with the old one. And so much I identify with you because. I sense that you just get bored with life. And unless you have something that's challenging, something that you can really get your teeth into something, that's going to require some drive and determination that you can really, feel like you've arrived when you go through the finish line or whatever. But this thing that you're working on as far as with the women and arriving first, I think that's really speaking to something that women need. And that's empowerment and that sense that they've done it on their own. And there's so many women, I believe, because a lot of people have responded from my book that are women and particularly 35 to 55 year old females, which is surprising. But the thing that they're looking for is that validation and the sense that the authority that they have is truly genuine. It's not something that's manufactured. They're not having to struggle with that imposter syndrome. And when you have arrived, that is just a sense that you have the empowerment that you've always sought and that you've been seeking for.

Laura Carney: 35:39

Yeah. For women it's just it's very difficult to prioritize your humanity first to, to say, I'm a person and let's figure out what kind of person I am. Because there, I'm sure that men go through this too, since we're living in a patriarchy and that affects everybody. But I, what I have found to be the case over and over again is that there are things that women go through on a daily basis. Certain kinds of treatments that we get from people that when you tell men about it, they're like, what? You're making that up. Like they just can't believe it. It's just so preposterous that anybody would ever treat someone that way. And yet it for, if you would tell a woman the same story, she'd be like, Oh yeah, of course. Of course, that guy on the subway acted that way, of course you're walking down the street. Someone cat called you, that's just how we live and it's, it becomes a thing where it's even if you are a woman who is self directed and is comfortable with who she is and feels like she's accomplishing something in the world. You still are wearing that clothing of being a woman. So you're still going to be underestimated when people meet you. People are still going to make assumptions about you. I don't think when I meet people, they look at me and are like, Oh, that must be a bestselling author. That's not going to be one of the first conclusions they come to. It's Oh, do you have any kids? Like that, that you look of the age that you would have them. That's what they want to talk to me about. That's not to say you can't be a bestselling author and also have kids, but it's just, you're always going to be dealing with assumptions from people. And I am very passionate about helping women to not be imprisoned by those assumptions. And because the really challenging part is when you start assuming things about yourself and you believe whatever is going on around you when really what's going on around you is a world that is progressing, and they just haven't reached the point yet to where you can have. More freedom to live in the way that you need to. So I just think that you need a lot of role modeling for that. And, for whatever reason, that's what I do. I don't know why yet, why I'm in the position. My dad used to tell me I was a natural born leader. So whatever that means, he might, that might have just been cause I'm an Aries though.

Paul T Neustrom: 37:58

Yeah it's fascinating to me to see how Women can step into leadership and to be able to have vision for their own lives. And that isn't dictated by, the small circle around you, the friends, the family. And all the people that have known you to be the way that you are for your entire life. And so to break through and be free from that is I found that's the most difficult thing for me, even as a man. And that, when I get up on stage in my own church, and I'm speaking about things and they tell me they're tired about hearing about my book. And the thing is other people want to know about it. I'm speaking to entire stages and school bodies about, the principles of the book. And, there's that verse that says profits without honor saving his own country. And, that applies to women too. And I really would invite anybody that's truly seeking and to once to arrive into that leadership role, develop a vision for yourself, be intentional with, the trajectory of your life. And, your rocks and things really just show pure intention and that you're open to things in the future and to give you a sense of a vision of something beyond trusting, in yourself and, the direction and not always. Be determined by, what's around you or what's behind you, but what's before you, and that's a hard thing to do, especially, you talked about doing it alone. It's so tough and I'd have to agree Laura, why don't you tell people how they can get in touch with you? And, I see that you're on Facebook, but go ahead and invite people to seek you out.

Laura Carney: 39:50

Sure. And can I comment really quick though, on what you just said? So all I keep like what I wrote down on my notebook while you were saying that was the word hierarchy because what I think you're describing that is really a gender, not a non gendered experience as you've gone through it to you're going to experience feedback from people when you do something like this, that is extremely positive and rooting you on and happy for you. And you're also going to experience feedback of people who you. Seem annoyed or seem angry that you have changed, or it's as though you have let them down or you left them behind like you've moved forward and you didn't bring them with you. And I think the reason for that isn't even anything personal. It's just. Sometimes people hold strongly to the sense of hierarchy. If you're not finding yourself in your life and what you want, it might be easier to just say where do I stand in the pecking order? And at least I have that and sometimes people can get very attached to that. So I, if someone is treating you differently because you have had an experience of writing a book and really finding your true self, I would advise, just don't take it personally and just remember that people are motivated by different things and clearly they're motivated by something that you have upset, but that's okay because it's not the thing that motivates you. And you're actually helping other people to liberate themselves through what you've done. And that needs to be your primary focus. Because, my feeling is if I could do this for me, then I can do it for others. And that's part of my gift. That's part of why I'm here. So if anybody wants to read, I'm trying to get better at saying the name of the book, My Father's List. It's on my website by lauracarney. com. You can order it there. Go to Amazon through there I have indie bookstores on there. I have Target and Walmart. You can walk into a bookstore and get it. It's, they did a really good job. It's in Barnes and Nobles everywhere. So I always get a little excited when I walk into one and I find it. But yeah, you can get it wherever on my father's list on pretty much all social media. And yeah, I'd love to meet you and have you read my work.

Paul T Neustrom: 42:03

Awesome. And said on the hierarchy aspect. I think that's a powerful thing. And you're on Facebook and social media, but if somebody wants to email you directly, is that something they can do?

Laura Carney: 42:16

Yeah my, you can email me through my website BY laura carney.com, and I'm starting to do more speaking events. I took your advice and I'm starting to become a public speaker, so I have a couple lined up over the next year, and, if you want to hire me for your speaking event I'm on there too. That or that op that option's on there.

Paul T Neustrom: 42:39

I'm not sure what I said to you, but,

Laura Carney: 42:42

You said I had a valuable skill and that it's okay to be paid to do it.

Paul T Neustrom: 42:47

It is. It is. And you've booked quite a few. I saw an event that you're doing here I think next week down in North Virginia. And yeah, it's exciting.

Laura Carney: 42:58

Yeah. Are you in Virginia? No, I'm in Minnesota. Oh, okay. You said down here.

Paul T Neustrom: 43:05

We do book tours and I've had four book tours now and going out on another one here in a couple of weeks.

Laura Carney: 43:12

Yeah, if this comes out before then, and your listeners want to join, just go to bylauracarney. com and let me know, and I can help you sign up. I'm going to speak at a luncheon in Reston, Virginia next week.

Paul T Neustrom: 43:25

That's amazing. That's so great. Laura, it's been certainly a great conversation. Just a pleasure to have you on the podcast skyrocket to success. And again, this is Laura Carney and she is the author, best selling author of my father's list. And she has more books inside of her. And I'm really excited about the one that you're going to be writing on, the aspect of women arriving first. I think that would be fascinating. Thanks so much for your time today. Okay.

Laura Carney: 43:56

Thanks for having me.